Dear Captain Cannon #6

Hello Sauerworld,  I’m Captain Cannon! This week I’ve taken questions from someone way too obsessed with cookies and one of my personal gaming heroes!


Dear Cpt. Cannon!

Sometimes when i go to bed i hear a voice in the next room that says very frequently: “im going to spill my milk on your cookies” I feel strange about that mysterious phrase, and what kind of beautiful interpretations could have, what do you think? some guys says you are an expert in paremiology.

Yours sincerely,

Abzord4

 

Dear Abzord4,

I’m sad to say that these voices you are hearing do not bode well for your future. The spillage of milk on your cookies can can only mean one thing, and I dare not say it out loud. I suppose the best way to warn you of your impending troubles is to call upon my time spend in insolation atop Mount Heng. He that reckons without his host must reckon again. Every why has its wherefore therefore always remember a burnt child dreads the fire; Once bitten, twice shy.

Next time you go to bed I suggest you try tucking that favorite magazine of yours under the mattress as bitter pills may have blessed effects. Sudden changes in blood pressure only wreak havoc on the heart so sometimes for absolute rest it’s best to not pitch a tent for a single slip may cause lasting sorrow. But whatever you do, just don’t beat the grass and alert the snake.

And if these words of wisdom do not lead your horse to water’s edge I can only hope that the sky is big and the emperor is far away for 对你的cookie溢出的牛奶只会导致一个非常潮湿的cookie,并多尴尬

Om,

队长炮


Dear Cpt. Cannon!

Lately I have been so hungry but I am too lazy to cook food. So I justplay sauer and ignore the hunger. Is there any alternative to eating that could make me feel better?

Sincerely,

Fatality

 

Dear Fatality,

Are you seriously the Fatal1ty!? Wow, it’s such an honor! I heard you set a Guinness World Record for most frags in an hour. That is impressive, no wonder why you forget to eat! You must be like 30 pounds with a figure like Golum and a forearm like Popeye! Well before I say something really embarrassing let’s just get to your question.

I find that when I lose all motivation to eat I begin chewing on my own skin. Have you tried doing that? The human skin has like 800 types of protein and has been known to cure certain epidermis diseases. But if that’s not quite your thing I always find ordering a pizza the next best option. The only problem, as I’m sure you would agree, is that damn delivery guy shows up at the most inopportune times. I mean really… can’t he just wait until after I’ve racked up my one-hundredth kill, ffs!? My favorite pizza is sausage and green peppers. What’s yours? Hit me up sometime and we can go out and eat  some pizza together <3.

Love forever and ever and ever,

Captain Cannon

 


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